Life is funny. Isn’t it? I think it is at least. A couple months ago, I ordered a gold foil print, that read “I will hold myself to a standard of GRACE, not perfection”. As soon as it came in the mail, I hung it right by my computer at my apartment, and haven’t really been able to enjoy it, but the sentiment still rings true in my head. Grace NOT Perfection.
It could really mean something completely different to someone else, but for me, Grace is that peace of mind knowing that life is completely out of my control. You can choose a lot of things for yourself in hopes of feeling in control, you can micro-manage everyone that is in your life, and you can make plans on how things should unfold, but it’s really not up to you. I could see how this need for control can make some people absolutely crazy, which is why this year, I have made an extra special effort to just, Throw it up to God. It’s a struggle for me, because I am a very impatient person and when I want something and make my mind up about something, I want it then and there and no one can convince me otherwise.
I’ve come to learn, its not my timing, it’s His. It’s ALL up to Him. I can try and try and try to make something happen, but it doesn’t matter how hard I try, when it’s meant to happen it will happen. The beautiful thing is… the STRUGGLE, that is just another part of the story. It makes you want it that much more, so when you finally get what you’ve been wanting, whether it is exactly what you want, or that in another form, you cherish it. Every ounce of it. I’m not going to lie, the struggle sucks. There are so many times I just want to throw in the towel and say, I’m done! But it makes me stronger. It makes the love I have for Ryan stronger, and the dependency on God that much stronger. It makes me hold tight to all that I do have, and all that God has blessed me with. And I’m grateful, and I find beauty in the imperfections. Because sometimes, the absolute ugliest, most imperfect situation, can give life to a beautiful, wonderful new beginning.